Did I Miss My Exit?

So say you’re driving. You’re driving fucking fast and in the wrong direction. People, cops, cars, they’re all whizzing past you at an incredible pace. You don’t know where you’re going but you know it’s not to the place you want to be. The street has turned into a highway, the highway has no exits, and the only option is crashing. Blow the fucker up and take your heap back to town to try again.

Waking up is hard when you feel like you’re just pretending. Even actors feel like people most days. The things you do and the things you say are just actions. The meanings are empty and lack heart. At this point you are dangerous to the operation and the people that need this to survive. You’ve tried to make your job a priority, but even with the motivation to do so, you’re still faking it. You move quietly into their midst. There are millions of ‘Fake it till you make it’ articles out there so if you feel like you can get it elsewhere, then don’t let me keep you. My angle is the moral aspect. Yes me, Mr. Morals. There was a real bent appeal to penetrating this business as a character you could only read about. But, the longer I stay, the more obvious it becomes that I’m just here for the story. Don’t get me wrong, this is a business and it’s participants and brilliant thinkers and I feel very accepted amongst them, but my real purpose is sanity-control. That was what I was hired for after all. You come in from your hard day, have a seat, have a drink and let me crack jokes until you feel better and then you’re on your way. That’s all fine and good until I realized I could take my act somewhere else and get to have some fun with it.

The guilt factor came in to play today, and I tried my hand at being “The Man.” I put on my suit, like any other day, I turned up my Big Boy voice and I spouted off to the first one that came my way. “Yes, hi hello how can I help you?” “You need what?” “Oh I’m sorry we can’t help you.” This was the truth, the feverish truth that flowed out too fast for comfort. The lady on the other end didn’t know what to make of my answer so she did what any person does when they don’t get their way, she published it…

OH I’ve done it now. I’ve crossed my bounds as head jester and taken the actions of King. You’re probably asking why I did this and it was the moral issue of coming back to this place week after week and literally taking money hand over fist. I was tired of being bored. I was restless and over all sick of lying to these people, so I gave her the truth. Business people don’t know anything about business. They only know about bureaucracy. Bitch and moan until you get your way, but never to the person you’re struggling with, go to their superior. There you will get the revenge you so rightfully deserve. There you will get the LIES you set out to retrieve. I tried to bring a little morality to the surface truth and it bit me in the ass. And now I’ve gone and done it. I now give a shit. I’ve gone and added a little depth to my character by selling the Drama. No more jokes, no more fun, no more sleep, no more life. You’ve just given away something that doesn’t belong to you. Crash this bastard and get on the right track already.